If you can’t stand the heat…
Big Man and I set off for Millport on Boxing Day with an air of thinly veiled mutual resentment. I was unimpressed by Big Man’s Xmas gift of a pair of pyjama bottoms that were a size too large and a nightshirt that was a size too small. He was similarly scathing about my present of some waterproof trousers , pointing out that they hinted at some prostrate related incontinence rather than the ” carefree walking in the rain ” vision I was striving for. Well, if the cap fits, dear…
I adopted my default position of Icily Polite, while Big Man tried Denying Noticing There Is Anything Wrong. By day two I had tried to out maneuver him and gone for Plain Mean, while he trumped me by The Headphones Technique, whereby he simply puts them on and ignores me.
It was loads of fun, I can tell you.
In Millport itself, several things had happened in the run up to Christmas, and none of them was the flat becoming habitable. Firstly, the tiler’s daughter was badly bitten by a dog- how badly depends on which newspaper you read, of course. She had to be taken to Yorkhill Children’s hospital, and we wish her a full and speedy recovery.
Then a tenement flat caught fire, which has completely gutted the whole building. All the flats were holiday flats , and the flames were only spotted by a driver of the gritter lorry, who quickly raised the alarm. It’s unclear how the fire started, but one owner had been down the previous week, and it would seem to be in this flat that the blaze started. Millport residents are wondering if she left something on which may have started the fire.( I bet she’ ll be off a few folk’s Xmas card list…)
The chemist shop ,Millers, was badly damaged by the water and falling masonry, and had to sell all his stock half price from the back room of a local pub. Big Man rushed me past this pub, clearly fearing I would become over excited by the sight of so much Coty L’Aimant perfume and Lynxx gift sets.
The flat remains unfinished. However, once New Year is past, all tradesmen have promised me to resume work immediately, and I reckon a push of a couple of days work from them will get us to the point of being able to fit the kitchen. With this in mind, Big Man and I set off for Glasgow Ikea in a state of high excitement. (We had suspended hostilities by this point- I don’t recall how this happened- possibly I absent mindedly accepted the offer of a cup of tea too warmly, signalling the end of the argument.)
I of course was keen to see the black granite work tops, ideally suited for a spot of How’s Your Father with Phil Spencer, in the fantasy world that I inhabit. Big Man however vetoed this choice, stating that it was foolish to spend so much money on a small bit of work top then cut two dirty great holes in it for hob and sink. Tsk. Spoilsport….
In the end we opted for the cheapest of everything, and very lovely it is too. No running away with the budget for us Boyles! After treating himself to a hot dog, and me to a coffee and organic muffin- is there no end to the man’s generosity?- Big Man suggested that since we were half way to Millport we might as well take the kitchen units straight down there. We loaded the car up with a pile of unidentifiable boxes labelled “Frammtid”" and “Laggen”, or something like that, and sped off down the snowy motorway back towards Largs and the ferry. It was surprisingly quick to unload the stuff into the flat, and I believe breaks the existing record for Shortest Millport Visit. We arrived on the quarter to five ferry, and got the half five ferry home.
There is only one more thing to note. Youngest son has always been known throughout my blog here as “Wee Man”. As readers will no doubt see for themselves in the photographs that follow, this is just not accurate. Indeed, he rivals Lanky Boy in ..er.. lankiness, and in view of this and his slightly effete bearing, I hereby rename him “the thin White Duke”.
It only remains for me to wish you a Happy New Year, fellow Bloggers. After a hideous day at work where I managed to fuse all the wall sockets three times in an attempt to plug in enough fan heaters to warm the room up , I opted for a bath, wine, and bed rather than the usual obligatory visit to the neighbours. I leave you with a selection of my festive photos. (Phestive Photos?)
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- Lanky Boy, Thin White Duke and Big Man decorate the tree
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- Lanky boy is apparently excited for Santa coming...
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- I made this one...
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- Fudge suffers the Santa suit
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- Lead me to that Xmas dinner!
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- Perfect Daughter helps the boys with their cracker toys..
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- Landlady looking over a gate.
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- A chilly Big Man
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- The muddy track to Fintry Bay
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- Wintry hills.
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- A wintry Kames Bay
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- the burned out flat
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- Cold and sunny Millport
January 1st, 2010 at 10:53 pm
what a marvellous reminder of the state of ‘being married’ LL … Thankyou for that … It stirred up silted memories which had lain happily dormant for a longer time than I’d thought …!
January 1st, 2010 at 11:21 pm
Ha Ha, soap lady, glad to have been of help !!
January 2nd, 2010 at 8:41 am
sounds like me and hubby,years ago,until we decided to buy our own gifts things we really wanted and just bought each a little gift; sorry to hear about the hassle as regards your flat.
new years eve,for me was spent at my friends choosing music for her partners cremation(this afternoon) and sorry folks i thinks its going to be a hoot(he was ant-conformist); I thought only I was capable of blowing fuses in this day and age,thank youLL i don’t feel so alone
January 2nd, 2010 at 11:24 am
The shopping centre was built by a bunch of cowboys and our unit’s heating broke down last winter. The wall sockets should be able to take a couple of flaming fan heaters but apparently the engines canna take it, Captain. Not looking forward to next week when I will have to try and sort it all out…
January 2nd, 2010 at 11:54 am
I know what you mean about cowboys—at the home where I work some bathrooms got re-done in november,stupid b*****y plumbers inversed the hot and cold taps so image the panic-signs up for staff “beware hot tap is cold -cold is hot” logical!!!!then just before xmas central heating broke down,so no heating for four days;for the elderly many who can’t move it was as disgrace and guess what
they brought the same plumbers back again as they have a”contract” with them makes my blood boil 
January 3rd, 2010 at 10:54 am
Nice to know that this is not the only house in the Scottish Islands where a polar bears could die from frostbite in the chilly atmosphere
January 3rd, 2010 at 5:47 pm
Well at least you with your boiling blood were warm taddoe
Dear landlady, how well some of us here at CCC recognise thinly-veiled resentment and Icily Polite! Big Man’s DNTIAW also seems vaguely familiar and is of course extremely irritating to the one who is suffering from either or both of the other two.
In her younger days, fpu found it very hard to PAF with one who evinced DNTIW - it’s a grossly unfair tactic and ought to be banned!
We cats just turn the other cheek (and usually end up licking several in a ‘nothin’ to do with me mate’ sort of way) Some of you bipeds, purresent company excepted, could learn a thing or two from us…
January 3rd, 2010 at 6:14 pm
January 3rd, 2010 at 8:31 pm
January 4th, 2010 at 1:55 am
Errrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmm………Pick A Fight
Well it was you that said it taddoe. Meantersay, I didnae mak it up like…
January 4th, 2010 at 7:53 am
Imagine Skippy the boomer comes into view and stoppes. Ladies, Childern may be viewing this posting. A little more decoram please and LL I have a loverly straight nose and do not need a PAC. Skippy the boomer heads to the high country to graze on snow flowers( magic Mushrooms) to forget the woes of this mere existance.
January 4th, 2010 at 8:06 am
January 4th, 2010 at 11:28 am
Do you know Roy, I love the way you inhabit your own little world, peopled by Skippy, eating magic mushrooms- have you been reading Dragon Lady’s blog today?- and people with straight noses. Next time Big Man does something which ruffles my landladylike feathers(so any time after he arrives home from work..) I will endeavor to spirit myself to your vision of Utopia.
January 4th, 2010 at 11:31 am
January 4th, 2010 at 6:34 pm
I often wonder how poor Skippy managed to eat anything never mind magic mushrooms with that rubber band around his teeth
Could we all make the Big Trip (as it were) to Magical Sofaland? Imagine the bloggers turning up mob handed at Roy’s gaff. What larks, as SD would say…or purrhaps sulphur-crested cockatoos…
January 4th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Count me as a member of the mob ,<KC
January 10th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Sympathetic noises to LL and commentators re. relationship strains. These are not limited to the Scottish Islands and Highlands (in that order), I believe that subject was fully dealt with earlier, probably categorised under the heading of “paint, colour, choice of”. I believe in our latitudes towards the end of the year this condition is referred to as “all part of the Christmas fun”. Must go and make the evening meal or else I will get cross with myself.
LL, does this mean you are good or bad at PAF?
PAF is not the hard part, that comes afterwards.
January 10th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Or more likely mrs b will tie you the mast and give you forty strokes
January 10th, 2010 at 8:15 pm
Öööh, Taddoe, what a lovely idea! Of what? With what?? On what? After that delicious meal???
I do hope so.
January 10th, 2010 at 8:33 pm
your imagination is no doubt ,better than mine
January 10th, 2010 at 8:56 pm
I think my ability to PAF is legendary in my household, but Big Man simply refuses to participate, leaving me crosser than ever and with a deep sense of Nobody Listens To A Word I Say…
January 10th, 2010 at 9:04 pm
typical b****y men
January 11th, 2010 at 9:01 am
Ah! But does he withraw from the fray because of an enlightened view of Liff or is he simply afraid of a fight, good or bad? Anyway, I’m sure the frustration is bad for your health, LL, he should join in so that you don’t start having heart attacks at all times of the day an night. “For medicinal purposes only”?
January 11th, 2010 at 9:06 am
afraid,no doubt
January 11th, 2010 at 10:45 am
A sort of medicinal barny…
January 11th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
I’ll point that out to him Barney, but I suspect he might be secretly pleased that he is raising my blood pressure to Heart&Stroke level. “At least,” he’ll be thinking,” She’ll not be able to nip ma heid whilst having a heart attack”…
January 11th, 2010 at 4:41 pm
Yer no bad fur yer age LL, assuming the camera never lied.
The games married couples play these days eh? Just before Xmas, I was looking to get Herself, one of those, Shove Penny Fun Machines, a smaller version of the machines that she loves putting her 2p pieces into in Blackpool, I thought that I’d just look up, on the web, *Toys* but could not see the correct machine. I therefore thought that maybe googling the words *Adult Toys* would help, however the toys displayed were not really what I had in mind, although I did find one or two new websites to list in my Private Files. Have a good new year LL
January 11th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
“Nip ma heid” .. doesn’t sound very enlightened. Ah, but it was BM who might be the enlightened one. “Nip ma heid”, indeed!
Tws, permit me to point out in the gentlest, most annoying fashion that the New Year has just gone past. Perhaps you didn’t notice, like KC and his 31/1. What do you people get up to with the calender in Scotland? Or have you both just recovered from drunken stupors (one each).
January 11th, 2010 at 5:17 pm
I thought for a moment that Tws was adding something to his Private Flies…
31/1???
January 11th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
Private Flies …. my, my! The alternative being Public Flies?
31/1 was on another blog. But the keen-witted amongst us (modest cough) understood almost instinctively that this was actually a slip of the paw, but could not resist trying to take the Mickey. Another miserable failure at “wit”.
January 11th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
Sorry KC, the 31/1 was on another blog, can’t remember which… maybe yours?
January 12th, 2010 at 11:29 am
Well it was a nice thought TWS, and you never know what Herself might like in the way of toys…
“No bad for your age” golly gosh, TWS, you are fulsome in your praise today!! I am bowled over!!!
January 12th, 2010 at 2:18 pm
It’s about as good as his other one
‘Scrubs up nice.’